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Manners, plain and simple.

2/25/2012

My hubby treated me to dinner last night at a national chain restaurant serving Italian cuisine. I could eat there; that is, I could chew the pasta reasonably well. (New braces a couple weeks ago and a bite plate give new meaning to eating these days.) Food was scrumptious. Atmosphere "ok." Waitress, chatty and pleasant. Wine, divine. This entry, though, is not a restaurant review.

I observed fellow diners and waiters and waitresses. In varying orders. Some just caught my glance. Others commanded my stare. Walking through one of the many alcoves, a baby crying out, a busboy crashing into a table just cleared.
The mid-thirties couple with two grade-school children. Parents left their coats on this seemingly upper-scale chain restaurant (no, it wasn't cold). Father left his hat on. One child propped his knees up on the table while they chatted. All so relaxed and recalling good memories of the children coming into their lives (yes, we could hear some of the conversation.)
The late-twenties couple with a baby non-yet-toddling, taking turns walking the little one who fussed until food arrived. Taking turns sharing a good morsel of their dinners with little one and keeping him included. And the young father had removed his at at the table.
The family of mixed ages nearby talking freely, laughing, enjoying their company oblivious to others, but not intruding on other diners' hearing. Joking with their waitress whom they previously knew. Comfortable and relaxed.
The waiter placing wine glasses in a rack for all to grab at moment's need for the customers, too many and setting two final glasses, lips down, on the shelf/counter beneath them. Those two glasses immediately picked up and taken to a diner's table. Nevermind that all who passed by might touch that shelf and leave behind traces of who-knows-what.
Mind you, I'm all for comfort and have dinner guests feel relaxed, but at the same time I do wonder what has happened to common manners. I witnessed a lot of love last evening, but common manners seem to be slipping away at a rapid pace in this country.
Some simple things we need to remember in this country:

A gentleman removes his hat in a public building and most especially at the dinner table!

A gentleman pulls out the chair for his lady guest, even if it's his daughter.

A gentleman helps the lady with her coat.

A gentleman finds out what the lady guest would like to eat and orders for her.

A gentleman holds the door for his lady guest and others passing through.

Whomever is paying for dinner, recognizing modern trends, leaves an adequate to generous tip depending upon the service. 10% is minium for the most basic of service. 20% is for excellent service. Above 20% is so that you are remembered the next time you return and request the same server!!

Napkins should be placed on one's lap, open. NOT tucked in one's shirt collar. Bibs are provided for those dining on lobster and for small children.

Silverware, if presented around the plates, has a simple rule: work from the outside in. This is helpful if you cannot tell the difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork (sadly, many restaurants now use the same size). Soup spoons arrive with the soup.

Silverware, if presented around the plates, has a simple rule: work from the outside in. This is helpful if you cannot tell the difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork (sadly, many restaurants now use the same size). Soup spoons arrive with the soup.

As a side note on restaurant manners............continuing with manners in general..........

If the National Anthem (a.k.a. The Star Spangled Banner) is playing, ALL rise. Military personnel will uncover and salute. Gentlemen should remove their hats and place right hand over heart. Ladies place right hand over heart. Children place right hand over heart. During the National Anthem, you should hear nothing but the anthem, no chit-chat, no cell phones, NOTHING. It is called manners. It is respect. You do not continue eating the stadium hot dog or drinking the stadium beer. You face the flag and honor it. Period.

I applaud each family I witnessed last night, for they had some of the basic manners correct. Each was courteous to their servers, not treating them like slaves.

But, mostly, we all need some polish. America needs to polish itself up. We are sadly lacking in respect, and self-respect. If we want the world to respect us, we must respect each other.

A gentleman removes his hat in a public building and most especially at the dinner table!
A gentleman pulls out the chair for his lady guest, even if it's his daughter.
A gentleman helps the lady with her coat.
A gentleman finds out what the lady guest would like to eat and orders for her.
A gentleman holds the door for his lady guest and others passing through.
Whomever is paying for dinner, recognizing modern trends, leaves an adequate to generous tip depending upon the service. 10% is minium for the most basic of service. 20% is for excellent service. Above 20% is so that you are remembered the next time you return and request the same server!!
Napkins should be placed on one's lap, open. NOT tucked in one's shirt collar. Bibs are provided for those dining on lobster and for small children.
Silverware, if presented around the plates, has a simple rule: work from the outside in. This is helpful if you cannot tell the difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork (sadly, many restaurants now use the same size). Soup spoons arrive with the soup.
Silverware, if presented around the plates, has a simple rule: work from the outside in. This is helpful if you cannot tell the difference between a salad fork and a dinner fork (sadly, many restaurants now use the same size). Soup spoons arrive with the soup.

As a side note on restaurant manners............continuing with manners in general..........
If the National Anthem (a.k.a. The Star Spangled Banner) is playing, ALL rise. Military personnel will uncover and salute. Gentlemen should remove their hats and place right hand over heart. Ladies place right hand over heart. Children place right hand over heart. During the National Anthem, you should hear nothing but the anthem, no chit-chat, no cell phones, NOTHING. It is called manners. It is respect. You do not continue eating the stadium hot dog or drinking the stadium beer. You face the flag and honor it. Period.
I applaud each family I witnessed last night, for they had some of the basic manners correct. Each was courteous to their servers, not treating them like slaves.
But, mostly, we all need some polish. America needs to polish itself up. We are sadly lacking in respect, and self-respect. If we want the world to respect us, we must respect each other.

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Melancholy

2/12/2012

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And so, I try to write once again. Intended to yesterday. Thought about it. Thought about it this morning. Thought about it this afternoon. Thought about it at dinner. Trying it again.

Listening to the Grammy Awards tonight in the wake of Pop Diva Whitney Houston's death yesterday. How odd that her autopsy occurs on the day of the Grammy Awards, an event she ruled over.   Her life ended too quickly, cause officially unknown, but it seems there is much online chatter as to "our" suspicion of her abuse of illegal substances shortened her life and ruined that fiery angelic voice of hers.

Performance by the much newer artist Adele this evening of her song "Rolling in the Deep" added to my feeling of trepidation in writing this weekend. Love the song. As a fan of hers also, I am glad her voice has been returned to its performing state. The song has a driving force, rhythms reminiscent of various moments in time, of cultures, of lives, of existences and situations gone by the wayside.

By now, I bet you, the reader, are wondering what just happened to this blog. Nothing happened. Not every entry will be political in nature. There may be political overtones. There may be philosophical studies. There may be social issues discussed. There may just be sentiment.

I, too, was wondering most of the weekend where this blog might be going. Having experienced some surprise of my own this weekend along with the national "news" of Whitney Houston's passing, my mood has shifted to melancholy.

I am saddened for the loss of a beautiful talented woman from our musical resources in this country.   I pray for comfort for her children and family members. We fans think we are family, but realistically we are the fan base that puts these gifted people so high up there is nowhere to go but down.

I am saddened for every flag-draped casket that returns to this country, bearing the precious weight of a soldier who died giving his or her life for our way of life on this planet. There is no national production for them.

I am saddened when I think of the heroes parade that was given in New York City last week to honor the New York Giants on their win of this year's Super Bowl. They did their job and climbed to the pinnacle of success in their job, for this year. Next year is a new year.

Soldiers write a blank check to this country up to and payable with their lives. Singers do not. Football players do not. It seems we get our priorities out of line. No parades for soldiers coming home. A few parades now & then in smaller communities, but how many towns organize them? Usually it is a small group of proud citizens. It seems our government officials get their priorities out of line too. Can you imagine being the crisply dressed officer knocking on a mother's door to tell her that her son was killed in the line of duty, but the services will have to be delayed because there is a parade for football players that day?

What do we hold precious? Talent? Life? Honor? Life? Money? Power? Life? Status? Nationality? Friends? Family? Life? Parties? Living in the moment? A moment is all any of us have. Within a second life could be gone for you, for me, for a singer, a soldier. You get the idea. Whitney Houston sang "One Moment in Time." What true words for someone who reached a pinnacle so very young. "Give me one moment in time, when I'm more than I thought I could be." (I believe those are the words, my apologies if I have misquoted the writer or the performer.) When soldiers return, draped in the colors of this country, they have become more than their families wanted for them. They have become the unsung heroes of this land. They leave behind grief, emptiness, pride, anger, and love.

How very tied together we all are, yet so many times we focus on our differences. Our political parties, our religious affiliations, our ethnicities, our viewpoints on things as simple as fashion styles, musical compositions, food menus, car efficiencies.  Such trivial matters in the essence of a moment.

This weekend I felt various levels of melancholy, thinking of old dear friends and family to whom I've had to bid adieu, thinking of new people in my life and wondering where those friendships will go, missing family who've passed away and were excellent advisors (wise beyond my years that's for sure!), and cherishing my long-time friends and family. How often do we take pause to contemplate these people, these fleeting moments?

As a (step)mom of a United States Marine myself, I think I contemplate these things more frequently than some, but not as much as if my son were in a combat zone. And yet, moments are fleeting. One second here, another a memory. A breath gone, a breath inhaled in shock.

Whitney is gone. So are thousands of soldiers. May we each inhale a breath, sharply and in shock, on their behalf. Each was a life to be remembered. Let us never forget them.

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Patient - Victim

2/7/2012

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It is 4:41 AM. I am awake. With pain. Again. And, as I sit here waiting for some pain reliever to kick in, I realize I am a Victim. Yes, a victim. A victim of a society that has screwed up it's medical system completely. This is a tragedy not just for me, but for thousands (millions?) across our great nation.
I completely agree with those who said (a few years back) that our country needed healthcare reform. What we did NOT need was the hodge podge of ridiculousness that was hastily crammed down our throats to make a new president look good.

Since the passage of "Obamacare" my deductible has increased from $500.00/year to $1,250.00 /year. Our prescription co-pays (Thank God they still allow co-pays) from $20.00 to $40.00 for a month supply of name brand (non-generic) drugs. Items that used to be covered by our insurance (e.g labwork and tests like sonograms and MRIs) now must be paid for out of pocket until the deductible has been met. And yet, the insurance premium has continued to increase....for less coverage.

Let's try Health Care, NOT Financial Ruin. To do this I suggest the following:
Prohibit pharmaceutical companies from advertising prescription medications in the common media (e.g. television ads, magazine ads, etc). The money saved on advertising could be used to lower drug costs overall and/or be directed towards research for newer better medications. The average person who has not been to some sort of medical school should not be second-guessing the doctors all the time by asking if the drug he/she saw on television is right for him/her -- THAT is what the doctor is there for!!
Insurance companies should NOT be permitted to raise rates along with deductibles. "In the old days" it was common to save money on an insurance policy by increasing the deductible. If rates go up, deductibles should go down. Common sense.
Insurance companies should be prohibited from requiring pre-approval for testing, and from requiring a certain order of tests. Most of the ones doing the approving have most likely not been a doctor with a patient to know what is best for each patient. If they haven't been "on the floor" like most doctors and nurses, they have no business second-guessing the doctor's decision.
Insurance companies should be prohibited from denying coverage to anyone with a pre-existing condition. Period. There should be no waiting periods. Premium paid, coverage starts. Period.

I have asthma. My husband, of retirement age, worries about maintaining coverage for me once he takes the step into retirement. He should not have to worry about such things as to whether or not we can get coverage for me, let alone afford it.

I am a Victim. I sit here awake because of pain in my mouth. Pain I have experienced now for over two years. Long story short, my bite shifted. Braces are needed. We actually are blessed with great dental insurance through my husband's employer. Guess what? I'm "too old." I need to be under age 19. In Pennsylvania it is against the law to set age caps on medical procedures, but our insurance has written it into the policy. We have explained the law, and they have enforced that my husband's employer chose this policy so this is the hand we are dealt. I have attempted to find individual coverage on my own that my orthodontist accepts. Found a great company, but the plan I can purchase without a group isn't one of the ones he takes. I like my orthodontist and he is highly recommended. I shouldn't have to doctor hunt to suit an insurance company. Finally found a discount plan that merely caps what the orthodontist can charge me, so yesterday afternoon I wrote out the large downpayment and my bottom braces were applied. Eighteen months from now I hope the pain is gone. For now, I am awake and aching from the new appliances in my mouth, from the ongoing pain in my jaws, from anger that our medical system has only been further ruined by "Obamacare."

Our country does not need socialized medicine -- one only need observe the waiting lists in other countries that have tried such programs. Mind you, I am not blaming one specific person. I do not blame the President for the pain in my mouth, for my insurance costs, etc. I use the term "Obamacare" because he was a driving force in the "reform" that took place during his first year in office. I use the term because he stood behind it. I use the term because the media so nicknamed it. I blame a large group of people: the President, the Congress, the insurance company lobbyists, the pharmaceutical lobbyists, the American people.

Yes, I blame the American people. We have become a country of the "quick fix." Throw a band-aid on a gushing wound and it will still bleed, but that is what we do. We have quit looking at the long term. We look at the moment, live in the moment, and then cry tomorrow when the blood is all gone. We must not wait for tomorrow. We must not expect others to take care of us - we need to do it ourselves. Band-aids are great for the short-term, but for the long-term we need to suture and heal.

We need reform in three main venues: Pharmaceutical companies, Insurance companies, and the Complacent American. Period. Fix those and things will come around.

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First Post!

2/5/2012

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This is an endeavor which teases me, something from the younger generations, something which I have yet to tackle let alone accomplish. Attempted setting up a blog with another "blog" site, but somehow it seemed it's technology was not user friendly, or perhaps did not like this older lady playing with its buttons and tabs.

I used to be outspoken and then entered a quieter phase of my life. Now then, some of my close friends and family will argue that point! (When am I ever quiet??) As far as how I view myself, I have perceived myself to be quieter for a time. That time is now over.

Looking at today's world economy, the never-ending political mud-slinging, the debates over minorities and majorities, the battles of religions, the abundance of dysfunctional families, the everyday joys of children in our lives, the need to preserve and improve our way of life, and my sheer frustration with many things going on in this world, the time for the "quiet" me has passed. World, country, state, county, community, family, friends, acquaintances, I have a mouth, a brain, and views -- I am about to open that mouth, use my brain, and share my views!

First of all, with presidential primaries underway in my beloved country, let the mud-slinging and negativity stop. Candidates and their committees should be permitted solely to share their strategies, backgrounds, and viewpoints. At NO time should a candidate's advertising point negative fingers at other candidates. No name-calling, No pointing out the other person's flaws, No ranting about the opponent.
Candidates are human and will, over time, expose their own natural flaws. Tell me, the voter, why you should hold office and then substantiate it.

By the way, I am proud to be an American citizen!! Born here, descended of immigrants. Proud of my heritage of hard work to live the American dream. This country needs to put ourselves back to the image of hard work so we can live that dream.

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Manners, plain and simple.

Melancholy

Patient - Victim

First Post!

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